First of all, na mumu dey fall in love. If you are not foolish, you can’t love a person to the point that they will break your heart. You have to be foolish to be in love. Dealing with breakups can feel like the ultimate betrayal, especially when you’ve invested so much of yourself. It’s true, sometimes it feels like A Gen Z Guide to Dealing With Breakups should start with “don’t fall in love!” because, let’s be real, the pain of a broken heart makes you question everything.
And now that your heart’s been shattered, how do you even begin to pick up the pieces? Well, that’s why we are here.
The First Reality when Dealing with Breakups
As I will always say, breakups don’t always sneak up on you. You will also know when it is about to happen. But elders say love is blind. Well, not blind, but it makes you wilfully look away.
The second reality that hits you when dealing with breakups is that you can’t love someone into loving you. You can’t force someone to love you, no matter how much you try. I also believe now that you can’t pray someone into loving you. You just have to know when to cut your losses and move on. Knowing when to cut your losses and move on is crucial, even when every fibre of your being wants to cling to what was.
One of the biggest traps after a breakup is getting stuck in that endless loop of “what ifs” – what could have been, what didn’t happen. As I recently learnt, more thinking isn’t the cure for overthinking. It often just deepens the wound.
One of the social media loves of my life shared her breakfast story, and Sis landed in the hospital for HBP. Sincerely, no man or woman is worth it. Like I always say, the pain isn’t the breakup; you will rationalise it later.
The real sting of breakups isn’t just the split itself; it’s the shattering of the future you meticulously imagined. The pain comes from the fact that the life you thought you would have will not happen. It’s that vivid picture of growing old together, the dream of a cute proposal, the playful “catfights”, walking down the aisle, and those endless five-hour phone calls. Dealing with that is where the problem lies. The pain comes from the realisation that the life you thought you would have will not happen. Acknowledging and grieving this loss of a future is where the real work of dealing with breakups truly begins.
Should You Cry After A Breakup?
You will cry, you will get angry, and you will have regrets.
Let yourself feel every single one of these emotions. Don’t try to distract yourself from the pain; instead, lean into it. Everyone experiences heartbreak, whether it’s from a romantic relationship or another significant connection. No one is immune. It doesn’t even have to be a romantic relationship for you to be heartbroken.
Allow yourself the necessary time to heal. This period of grief is crucial for processing your emotions and moving forward. Once you’ve had that time, don’t be afraid to let yourself fall in love again. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of about falling in love, even if it leads to pain.
Society often teaches us to be wary of love, to protect ourselves at all costs, and to feel shame when a relationship doesn’t work out. But there is truly nothing to be afraid or ashamed of about loving and losing. Each experience, even the painful ones, teaches you more about yourself and what you truly desire. Embrace the vulnerability that comes with opening your heart.
The Real Fear of Letting Go
It’s true that letting go is not scary in itself. What often feels terrifying is the aftermath—the profound uncertainty that comes with it. The real fear lies in the “what happens next” and the unsettling thought that this person, or these people, are no longer a part of your life, and you no longer hold a place in theirs. This void can feel immense, making the future seem daunting.
There’s genuinely no point in holding on to something or someone who has already slipped right through your fingers. It’s like trying to grasp air—ultimately futile and exhausting. Instead, your energy is better spent holding on to yourself. In the process of dealing with breakups, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are, but you don’t have to lose yourself. Prioritise your well-being and remember your inherent worth, independent of the relationship that ended.
Should You Call Your Ex?
The answer is a resounding no. Resist the urge to call your ex, and remember that you are loved and valued right where you are.
A helpful cure for the impulse to reach out is to vividly imagine that they’ve already moved on. Picture them engaged, married, or deep in another talking stage. When you feel your fingers hovering over their number, ask yourself, “What if their new partner is sitting right beside them?” This thought can be a powerful deterrent.
If you’ve already experienced the pain of tearful calls during the breakup, do not put yourself through that again. Your self-esteem deserves better than the unkindness and second-hand embarrassment that might follow.
Breakups are undeniably hard, and that period of pain is inevitable. But while the breakup itself will hurt, the rest of your life shouldn’t be defined by it. Focus on healing and moving forward, knowing that your worth is not tied to a past relationship.
Breakups are hard. That period will be painful, but the rest of your life shouldn’t be.
I hope this helped.
I’d love to hear from you. Please share your tips and experiences with dealing with breakups in the comment section below. Your insights could be a beacon for someone else going through a tough time.
And as usual, a drop of honey for your day or your relationship. See you in the next confession!
P.S. This is the third episode of “Confessions of a Single Woman.” Catch up on the rest here…
Till I come your way again, don’t forget to subscribe to Doyin’s Honest Notes and enjoy a drop of honey for your day…