NIGERIAN INTERETHNIC MARRIAGES: IS IT WORTH IT OR NOT?

Have you ever thought of it or about it? Nigerian interethnic marriages? Do you think it is something you can do? That is getting married to someone from a completely different tribe from yours. Nigerian society has, in the past, treated interethnic/intertribal marriages with a lot of disdain. Well, until recently. One way or another, we are all prejudiced about something.

I once thought that many people would prefer their children to get married to whites or foreigners rather than to certain tribes in Nigeria. But that was then; a certain aura of pride has come on us now; race doesn’t seem to bother Africans these days, i.e. a way of shame; we wear our colour with pride rather than feeling such union is just giving value to us.

Nigerian Prejudice Against Interethnic Marriages

There is a lot of prejudice when it comes to getting married to someone outside your tribe. Come to think of it, even outside your dialect. When you feel you are still being told not to get married to either an Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba or Igala; you’d begin to hear some parents break it down and say do not marry an Ijebu man; Do not marry from Oyo. She is Delta Igbo, and we are from Anambra. Our people don’t do such or we are Hausa from Kano, they are from Kwara and a lot of other prejudices.

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All these stem from a lot of factors, ranging from bad experiences meeting with people from other tribes, other family members in marriages that failed when they got married to someone from another tribe, the media and the current situation of Nigerian politics (the high level of distrust and he-is-my-brother syndrome)

As much as parents are guides and we should listen, they should also understand that is a choice you are willing to make and a sacrifice. It is also your home. There is almost no difference between saying no to getting married to someone from another tribe and then being racist

So you want to get married and your partner is from another tribe, and you are willing to weather the odds, and your parents have all agreed Here are factors you need to consider while getting into an Intertribal marriage

Factors You Need to Consider When Getting into Interethnic Marriages

Food.

I am a foodie, so yes, food will be top of my list. It’s a marriage, and as much as you may want to feel it is inconsequential, I’m sorry to disappoint you that it is not. Even couples from the same culture struggle when it comes to food. How willing are you to prepare what suits your partner’s taste buds based on what he/she has been used to all their lives, or take what your partner can give to you based on their culture? This is why communication and openness are important.

Many people don’t talk about these things and you begin to wonder what the courtship was all about. Take time to find out and learn how to prep these meals. The Yoruba people for instance seem to love spicy meals and have a lot of meat in their meals while those from the south south or southeast have a large variety of meals and northerners have meals peculiar and common only to them.

Wedding Ceremony.

Before the marriage is the wedding ceremony and this is so vital. Remember two cultures are coming together, what steps are you and your partner taking to have a hitch-free event. A wedding takes a village (at least, in Nigeria) and whether you want it or not, it is also your parent’s wedding. They would have had their plans so try and make sure each culture is represented. Most times, it tends to be more of the bride’s culture. Just try to blend the husband’s family into it.

Naming Children.

I think this a very important factor that you’d have to consider. How do you name your children? Do they bear all Igbo names or Hausa names? Do you want each culture to be firmly represented and also equally?

In-laws and Accepting Culture

Culture is another factor that should be considered. For example, in an Igbo and Yoruba Union; Yoruba greetings have a lot of body language that is not akin to Igbo’s. Ladies kneel and the men prostrate to greet. It definitely will take time to get used to this. Your in-laws might have a lot of expectations. Just remember, you got married to their child and not them. Still, it’s all about balance. Your partner’s family is your family.

What if Nigeria splits?  

I always have this thought when it comes to Nigerian interethnic marriages. Well, the good news is that you’d eventually get to be married to a foreigner.

Dealing with Stereotypes.

How do you deal with the bias that is associated with your partner’s ethnicity? That Igbo love money, Hausa are bigots, Yorubas are fetish, Ebiras are wicked and a whole lot more. How’d you cope with it?

All these factors aren’t to scare you but to prepare you. It’s a huge milestone. Marriage is beautiful and interethnic marriages are uniquely beautiful. You are merging a whole lot of things together. Interethnic marriage is beautiful. It unites families, birth new experiences and cultures, fosters growth and lots more. Forget about all the negative stories you have heard, make your choice based on you.

Just make sure it is the right person. It is more of the individuals. Make the right choice.

Is interethnic marriage something you are willing to try? Please leave a comment and let us know your thoughts and opinions on it.

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All images sourced from various accounts on Pinterest.com