If you’ve gone through life as a woman and somehow never crossed paths with reckless, disrespectful men, you should be grateful. But if you have, you’ll know the madness I’m talking about. I’ve met men in a defined relationship, yes, men who proudly tell you they have a girlfriend or wife, yet they are still out here hunting for “fun.” They claim loyalty in words but betray it in action. They objectify women, classify them, and reduce them to nothing more than distractions, while somehow convincing themselves that they still “respect” their partners. The hypocrisy is unbearable.
And let’s talk about society’s role in enabling this. We celebrate men in defined relationships for their so-called prowess, their ability to “have options,” and we even excuse their recklessness as part of being a man. Meanwhile, women are still defined by their number of partners, judged by the kind of man they’re with, and shamed when things go wrong. The double standards are staggering. You should be dropping your child off at kindergarten, but instead, you’re trying to cradle-snatch a university fresher? Where is the honour in that? Where is the self-respect?
What disgusts me even more is how often the blame falls on the woman who gets caught in the mess. Too many times, I’ve seen wives and girlfriends turn their anger on the other woman, attacking her publicly, while the man, the one who made the commitment, is shielded from true accountability. If you are truly dealing with men in a defined relationship, then hold them responsible. Don’t let him off the hook while tearing another woman down. He is the one who owes you loyalty, not her.
At the end of the day, dealing with men in defined relationships requires calling things what they are. Infidelity is not prowess. Betrayal is not strength. And disrespect disguised as “fun” is nothing but cowardice. Until we stop making excuses for men and start holding them accountable for their actions, the cycle will continue. And honestly, I am sick of watching women pay the price for men’s irresponsibility.
Practical Ways for Dealing With Men in a Defined Relationship
When it comes to dealing with men in a defined relationship, it’s a minefield many women never signed up for but somehow find themselves trying to cross. These are men who have wives, girlfriends, or fiancées, yet still roam around, loud with disrespect, acting as if they are single and entitled to the time, attention, or even bodies of other women. They hide behind charm, money, or smooth words, but what they truly lack is integrity, discipline and self-respect.
The sad part is how normalised this behaviour has become. Society looks the other way, sometimes even applauds it, while women are shamed, blamed, and ridiculed. And when the truth comes out, it’s usually the woman who is called every ugly name under the sun, while the man’s bad behaviour gets brushed off as “just being a man.” Enough is enough. So, here’s how to handle this nonsense and call it out for what it is.
1. Be Very Loud When Turning Them Down
When a man in a defined relationship comes to you with nonsense, silence is not golden. Silence makes you complicit! You need to be very loud and clear when turning him down. No “maybe later,” no polite excuses, no cushioning his ego. The louder you are, the more he understands you are not his secret plaything.
If a man with a ring on his finger or a “my girlfriend this, my girlfriend that” speech still finds the audacity to flirt, shut it down immediately. “You have a partner. Respect her. Respect me. Don’t ever bring this here again.” That clarity protects you and sets a tone that you are not to be toyed with.
Dealing with men in defined relationships requires firmness. You are not here to babysit their wandering desires or play the role of “the fun girl.” Be loud, be clear, and let your rejection echo.
2. Clearly Call Them Out When They Overstep
These men thrive on secrecy and shame, so the best way to puncture their pride is to call them out when they overstep. If a man in a defined relationship touches you inappropriately, makes suggestive comments, or tries to manipulate you emotionally, don’t sweep it under the carpet. Confront him.
If he texts you late at night with “Hey, what are you doing?”, respond with: “Why are you texting me like this when you have a partner? Do you think this is acceptable?” By naming the behaviour for what it is, you expose the hypocrisy he hides behind. Men in defined relationships should be held accountable not only privately but, if necessary, publicly. Sometimes, calling them out in front of witnesses ensures they cannot twist the narrative against you. Shame where shame is due.
3. Avoid Unnecessary Friendships With Them
Not every man deserves your friendship, especially not men in defined relationships who blur boundaries. If you notice a man who constantly tries to lean into “friendship” but laces it with flirtation or emotional dependence, cut it off.
Friendship is not a cover-up for inappropriate access. If his partner cannot sit in the room with both of you comfortably, then you already know the line has been crossed. Friendship shouldn’t feel like sneaking or hiding. Dealing with men in a defined relationship requires you to protect yourself from grey areas. You do not owe him friendship, especially when his intentions are questionable. Distance is power.
4. If They Are Your Friends, Respect Their Relationship
On the flip side, some men in defined relationships genuinely want platonic friendships. If that’s the case, your responsibility is to respect their relationship. Don’t overstep boundaries, don’t flirt under the guise of “banter,” and don’t insert yourself where you don’t belong.
Respecting their partner means not entertaining conversations that undermine their relationship. If he starts to complain excessively about his girlfriend or wife, redirect him to address it with her, not you. You are not his therapist or his backup plan. Friendship with men in defined relationships should always pass the partner test: if she walks in right now, would your conversations or actions feel wrong? If the answer is yes, you’re already out of line.
5. Stop Fighting Women, Drag Your Partner to Accountability
Nothing is more frustrating than seeing women tear each other apart over a man who cannot keep his trousers zipped. If your man cheats, the woman he cheats with is not your first enemy. Drag your man to accountability.
Society has conditioned women to see each other as competition, while men slip away with excuses like “boys will be boys.” Enough of that. If he is committed to you but dishonours that commitment, he should face the consequences of his actions.
Dealing with men in a defined relationship means refusing to feed into the drama of women vs. women. Hold your partner responsible. After all, loyalty is a choice, and he chose to betray it.
6. We Need to Counsel Men More
The culture of silence and enabling is killing us. Instead of constantly advising women on how to avoid being preyed on, how about we start counselling men to stop being predators in the first place? Men in defined relationships need to unlearn the entitlement they carry.
Fathers, sons, uncles, brothers, friends, these conversations must happen. Stop cheering on infidelity as “proof of masculinity.” Stop teaching boys that women exist to be conquered. Stop creating a culture where disrespect is disguised as charm.
Dealing with men in defined relationships isn’t only about rejecting them, it’s about dismantling the structures that protect their foolishness. Society needs to do better.
7. Guard Your Peace Ruthlessly
Sometimes the best way to deal with men in defined relationships is to remove yourself completely. You do not owe anyone access that drains your peace. Block, mute, and cut off without explanation.
Peace of mind is non-negotiable. When a man shows you he doesn’t respect his own relationship, he cannot respect you either. And no amount of politeness or pity will change that. Guarding your peace isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom. When you refuse to entertain nonsense, you create space for healthier connections.
8. Recognise Manipulation and Walk Away
Many men in defined relationships will try to guilt-trip you: “I’m not happy at home,” “She doesn’t understand me,” “I’m staying for the kids.” Don’t fall for it. These are manipulation tactics designed to excuse their lack of integrity. The truth is, if he wanted to leave, he would. If he wanted to fix his relationship, he would. Don’t let him make you the excuse for his cowardice. You are not his emotional crutch. Dealing with men in defined relationships means seeing through manipulation and refusing to be dragged into their mess. Walk away without second-guessing yourself.
9. Demand Better From Society
Beyond personal choices, we must collectively demand better. Why are men in defined relationships still being celebrated for their infidelity? Why are women the ones shamed and dragged through the mud?
This hypocrisy needs to be called out loudly. We must create a culture that does not excuse men for bad behaviour while policing women relentlessly. Until society changes, this cycle will continue.
Dealing with men in defined relationships is not just personal; it’s political. Until accountability is demanded on a larger scale, women will keep paying the price for men’s recklessness.
10. Trust Your Instincts Always
If something feels off, it usually is. Your intuition is powerful; listen to it. Men in defined relationships often hide behind charm, but cracks always show. Trust the discomfort you feel when boundaries blur. You do not owe anyone endless explanations for walking away. Protect your energy, honour your values, and never compromise your self-respect for someone else’s secrecy.
In the end, dealing with men in a defined relationship is about drawing hard lines and choosing yourself every single time.
At the end of the day, dealing with men in a defined relationship is not just about protecting yourself; it is about demanding better for all women. These men thrive because society has enabled their recklessness and turned a blind eye to their betrayal. But we cannot keep quiet. We cannot keep normalising behaviour that destroys trust, dishonours partners, and reduces women to disposable options. If you are serious about change, then you must be bold enough to call it out, refuse to participate, and hold men accountable for their actions.
It is no longer enough to shrug and say, “That’s just how men are.” That lazy excuse has allowed too many women to be hurt while men walk free of consequence. If you want real respect, if you want relationships that are safe, healthy and worthy of the word ‘love,’ then the work starts with refusing to entertain or excuse this behaviour. Men in defined relationships must be reminded that commitment is not a suggestion. It is a standard!
So here is my challenge to you: stop being silent. Stop fighting other women. Stop lowering the bar. Demand better from men and demand better for yourself. Because the truth is, the moment you stop tolerating nonsense is the moment men will be forced to rise higher. And if you’re reading this and you’ve been making excuses for them, maybe it’s time you asked yourself, ‘Why are you protecting them when they will not protect you?’
Until I come your way again, remember to subscribe to Doyin’s Honest Notes and enjoy a drop of honey for your day.