Girl, let me tell you — nobody warns you that gaslighting feels like living in a mental funhouse mirror. One day, you’re sure of what you saw, heard, and felt, and the next, you’re doubting if your own brain even works. That’s the thing about gaslighting — it’s not just about lies; it’s about slowly convincing you to mistrust yourself until you can’t tell up from down. And when it’s over, you’re left asking, how do you recover from gaslighting when your own thoughts feel like strangers?
I remember sitting in my room after it all ended, staring at my phone like it still had the answers. I replayed every conversation, every fight, every “you’re overreacting” moment, wondering if I really was the problem. That’s the damage gaslighting does — it makes you rewrite your own story in someone else’s handwriting. And recovering from gaslighting? Whew, that’s where the real work begins.
But here’s the wild part — you can get your mind, your voice, and your power back. It’s like relearning your own language after someone tried to teach you a fake one. There’s a moment — oh, and you’ll feel it — when you realise you’re not crazy; you were just in the wrong reality. And from there, piece by piece, you start to rebuild… And trust me, the new version of you is stronger, sharper, and unstoppable.
What Is Gaslighting and How Do You Recognise It?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own memories, feelings, or perception of reality. It’s not always loud or obvious — sometimes it’s subtle, like constantly downplaying your feelings, twisting facts, or making you feel “too sensitive”. Other times, it’s blatant — outright denying something you saw or heard, even when you have proof. The goal? To make you second-guess yourself so much that you rely on them for what’s “real”.
You can recognise gaslighting when you start feeling confused about things that used to be clear, apologising for things that aren’t your fault, or questioning if you’re “the crazy one”. You might notice the person constantly shifting blame, rewriting history, or making you feel guilty for expressing your emotions. In short, if you feel like you’re losing trust in your own mind, that’s the alarm bell — you might be dealing with gaslighting.
How Do You Recover From Gaslighting
Recovering from gaslighting starts with acknowledging that it happened and that it wasn’t your fault. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that makes you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, and reality, so healing means slowly rebuilding trust in yourself. This often involves setting boundaries or cutting off contact with the person, surrounding yourself with supportive people, and keeping a journal to anchor yourself in the truth.
As you recover from gaslighting, challenge the lies you were told, practise self-compassion, and reconnect with your identity outside of that toxic dynamic. It’s a gradual process, but with each step, you reclaim your clarity, confidence, and peace of mind — until the manipulator’s voice fades and yours becomes stronger than ever.
1. Accept That Gaslighting Happened
The first step to recover from gaslighting is simply acknowledging it for what it was — manipulation, not “misunderstanding”. Many people stay stuck because they keep minimising it or trying to rationalise the other person’s behaviour. But healing starts the moment you say, “No, I wasn’t crazy — they were controlling the narrative.” That truth is your foundation.
Gaslighting thrives in denial, so calling it out to yourself is like switching the light on in a dark room. You begin to separate your reality from the twisted version you were fed. This step can feel painful because it’s a direct confrontation with what really happened, but it’s also incredibly freeing.
Once you’ve named it, you can stop arguing with yourself about whether it was “all in your head” and start focusing on the real work of recovery. Remember — you can’t heal from what you won’t admit. This is where your journey to recover from gaslighting truly begins.
2. Cut Off or Limit Contact
How do you recover from gaslighting if you’re still in the manipulator’s web? You don’t. Step two is all about creating a safe distance. If possible, go no contact — block numbers, mute social media, and avoid spaces they can use to reach you. If you can’t cut them off completely, establish strict boundaries.
The reason this is crucial is that gaslighting works like an echo — the more you hear it, the more it distorts your reality. Staying in contact risks dragging you back into that confusion and self-doubt. Even a single “innocent” conversation can reopen the wounds.
Protecting your mental space isn’t about being petty or “overreacting” — it’s about survival. Think of this as detoxing from a toxic substance. You can’t heal if you keep sipping poison.
3. Reconnect With Your Reality
Gaslighting hijacks your sense of truth, so a huge part of recovering from gaslighting is rebuilding trust in your own perception. Start keeping a journal to record events, conversations, and your feelings — this helps anchor you in what’s actually happening.
The more you write down and review, the more you’ll see patterns you may have missed while under manipulation. You’ll start saying, “No, I remember this clearly,” without second-guessing yourself. That’s a huge win in reclaiming your mental clarity.
Over time, reality will stop feeling like shifting sand and start feeling solid again. And when you can stand firmly in your truth without feeling guilty, you know the gaslighting grip is breaking.
4. Surround Yourself With Supportive People
How do you recover from gaslighting without the right people around you? You don’t have to do it alone — in fact, you shouldn’t. Find friends, family, or support groups who validate your feelings and experiences without making you doubt yourself.
The best way to undo the damage of gaslighting is to immerse yourself in voices that affirm your reality. When someone says, “I believe you,” it chips away at the false version of events the gaslighter tried to cement in your mind.
You’ll notice a shift when you start spending more time around people who lift you up instead of tearing you down. Slowly, your trust in others — and in yourself — will grow stronger again.
5. Challenge the Lies You Were Told
Recovering from gaslighting means dismantling the false beliefs planted in your mind. The gaslighter may have told you, “You’re too sensitive,” “You always overreact,” or “No one else would put up with you.” It’s time to hold those lies up to the light and ask, “Is this actually true?”
One powerful technique is to write down each harmful statement and then list evidence that proves the opposite. For example, if they said you were “bad at making decisions”, write down times you made great ones. This actively reprograms your self-image.
Over time, the mental script will change. You’ll stop automatically hearing their voice in your head and start hearing your own — and that voice will be kinder, stronger, and clearer.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
How do you recover from gaslighting when you’re mad at yourself for “falling for it”? You forgive yourself. Gaslighting is designed to be invisible until it’s not — anyone can fall victim to it. Blaming yourself only delays healing.
Self-compassion means treating yourself the way you would treat a dear friend who went through the same thing. You wouldn’t tell them “You should’ve known better”; you’d tell them, “You did the best you could with what you knew.” That’s the energy you need to extend to yourself.
This isn’t just “being nice” to yourself — it’s rewiring your inner dialogue so it supports recovery instead of sabotaging it. Kindness towards yourself is non-negotiable in this process.
7. Rebuild Your Identity and Confidence
The final step to recover from gaslighting is reclaiming the “you” that got buried under all the manipulation. This is about rediscovering your interests, values, and dreams without the gaslighter’s voice dictating who you are or what you should want.
Start by trying things you once loved or exploring new hobbies. Set small goals and celebrate when you achieve them — each win is proof that you are capable and in control of your own life again.
With each step, you’ll feel more like yourself — not the edited version someone else created. And when you can look in the mirror and say, “I know who I am, and I trust me,” you’ll know you’ve fully recovered from gaslighting.
Recovering from gaslighting isn’t a quick fix — it’s a journey of peeling back layers of lies, rediscovering your own voice, and learning to trust yourself again. There will be days when you feel like you’ve taken ten steps forward and others when the old doubts try to sneak back in. That’s normal. The key is to remember that every time you choose your truth over someone else’s manipulation, you’re breaking free a little more. Healing is not just about surviving what happened — it’s about reclaiming the vibrant, confident version of you that existed before the gaslighting and building an even stronger one.
At the end of the day, the answer to ‘How do you recover from gaslighting?’ comes down to this: you take back your power, piece by piece. You learn to see the red flags earlier, you set boundaries that protect your peace, and you surround yourself with people who celebrate your reality instead of warping it. And one day, you’ll wake up and realise you’re no longer defined by what someone did to you — you’re defined by the strength it took to rise above it.
Till I come your way again, don’t forget to subscribe to Doyin’s Honest Notes and enjoy a drop of honey for your day…