You know that warm, charming smile that can melt butter? Yeah, Nigerian guys have perfected it. One minute, he’s calling you “my queen” and sending sweet morning texts; the next, your gut is whispering something isn’t quite right. Whether you’re Nigerian, living in the diaspora, or you met him on a trip and thought you’d found your own Nollywood romance, the truth is—sometimes, that glitter isn’t gold. And before you know it, you’re Googling ‘Signs a Nigerian guy is using you’ at 2 a.m., wondering if you’re starring in a love story or a cautionary tale.
The thing about Nigerian men? They know how to sell the dream. If you’ve ever been played by a Nigerian guy, you know it’s not just the words—it’s the delivery. The late-night calls, the “Baby, I miss you” voice notes, the grand plans for the future. But somewhere between the charming good mornings and the “my battery died” excuses, you start noticing little red flags. He’s not quite who you thought he was, and suddenly, those sweet nothings start to feel like calculated somethings.
Here’s the kicker: it’s not always about money. Sure, sometimes a Nigerian guy is using you to fund his “business” (read: weekend groove fund), but other times, it’s your time, your emotional energy, your network, or even just the comfort of knowing someone has his back while he figures out his life. And sis, whether you’re sipping palm wine in Lagos, stuck in London traffic, or living it up in New York, you deserve to know when your love story is actually a hustle in disguise.
10 Signs a Nigerian Guy Is Using You
Before we get into it, let’s be honest—being played by a Nigerian guy isn’t always obvious at first. The sweet words, the charm, and the chemistry can blur your judgement. Whether you’re dating locally or abroad, knowing the signs a Nigerian guy is using you can save you time, heartbreak, and even your bank account. Here are the biggest red flags to look out for.
Constant Money Requests
One of the most obvious signs a Nigerian guy is using you is when he keeps asking for money. At first, it might be small—“Baby, can you help me with airtime?” or “I just need something to complete a deal.” Before long, it escalates to rent payments, business investments, or emergency family hospital bills. If you’re constantly the financial lifeline, chances are he’s not just in love—he’s in need, and your bank account is part of the relationship.
It’s not just about the requests; it’s how he frames them. Sometimes, a Nigerian guy is using you under the guise of “trust” or “building a future together”. He’ll make it sound like the more you give, the stronger your relationship will be. But love shouldn’t feel like a continuous loan application. If the romance disappears when the money stops, you already have your answer.
Marriage for Citizenship
Another tactic is rushing into marriage for reasons that have little to do with love. If you’re abroad and suddenly a Nigerian man you barely know is talking about weddings within weeks, you might be looking at a case of marriage for citizenship. While love at first sight is real, pushing for paperwork before you’ve built a real bond is a major red flag.
Some women realise too late that they’ve been played by a Nigerian guy who simply wanted a passport. The romance burns bright at first but fades once the legal process is complete. If his interest in you drops the moment he secures his stay, it was never about forever—it was about convenience.
Excessive Pressure to Commit
Sometimes, a Nigerian guy is using you by rushing you into big commitments—moving in, pooling finances, or introducing you as his wife before you’ve even had the “Are we official?” conversation. The goal here is to create a sense of obligation so you feel guilty backing out.
If you feel more cornered than courted, take a step back. Healthy love grows naturally; manipulation often comes wrapped in urgency. Signs a Nigerian guy is using you include constantly making you feel like saying “no” means you’re not supportive enough.
Fake Privacy
Watch out for the guy who acts overly protective of his privacy, but not in a normal way. A Nigerian guy is using you if his “privacy” is actually a cover for secrecy. He might never answer calls when you’re around, hide his phone, or refuse to share even basic details about his life.
This isn’t about respecting boundaries—it’s about keeping you from seeing the real picture. In relationships, transparency matters. If you’ve been dating for months and still don’t know where he lives or who he hangs out with, chances are you’re not his only priority.
Never Meeting Friends
If he never introduces you to his friends, or when he does, they act oddly or feed you half-truths, take note. Signs a Nigerian guy is using you often include keeping you out of his real social circle.
Sometimes, even when you do meet them, they’re in on the act, pretending everything is perfect while helping him cover his tracks. If you’ve been played by a Nigerian guy before, you’ll know this script—people around him making sure you see only the version of him he wants you to see.
No Traceable Roots
Another clear red flag is when there’s no way to verify his background. A Nigerian guy is using you if you’ve known him for months but have no idea about his hometown, his real family, or even his actual job. You know nothing real about this guy.
If everything you know is vague or “complicated”, that’s deliberate. Genuine partners want you to know who they are and where they come from. If you’ve been played by a Nigerian guy before, you’ll remember the pattern: a web of half-truths and conveniently missing details.
Emotional Manipulation (Gaslighting)
Gaslighting is one of the most toxic signs a Nigerian guy is using you. He makes you doubt your own experiences, memory, and judgement. When you question his behaviour, he flips it on you. Watch out when he starts accusing you of being paranoid, insecure, or “too sensitive”.
This is a control tactic, plain and simple. Once you start believing you’re always in the wrong, he can get away with anything. If you’ve been played by a Nigerian guy like this, you’ll know how damaging it can be to your self-esteem.
Stonewalling and Withdrawal
When a Nigerian guy is using you, he may disappear emotionally or physically whenever you demand more clarity or commitment. This is stonewalling—shutting down communication to avoid accountability.
It’s not just frustrating—it’s a power move. He keeps you chasing his approval while giving you the bare minimum. Healthy relationships involve mutual effort, not emotional blackmail disguised as “space”.
Shifting the Blame Constantly
If he’s always the victim and you’re always the problem, take note. A Nigerian guy is using you if every fight ends with you apologising while his actions go unquestioned. He’ll always have a reason—stress, work, family drama—but never a solution.
This pattern wears you down over time until you stop bringing up concerns altogether. That’s when he has full control, and you’re left wondering how you got here.
Your Needs Are Always Last
Finally, if your needs, dreams, or comfort are always at the bottom of his list, you’re not a partner—you’re a resource. Signs a Nigerian guy is using you include constantly prioritising his desires over yours, no matter how small the issue.
In love, compromise is key. But when it’s always you doing the giving and him doing the taking, it’s not compromise—it’s exploitation. If you’ve been played by a Nigerian guy before, you’ll recognise how draining this imbalance can be.
What to Do When You’re Being Played by a Nigerian Guy
Realising you’re being played by a Nigerian guy can be a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s better to face the truth than waste more time in a relationship that’s all take and no give. The first thing to do is step back and evaluate the situation without emotions clouding your judgement. When you identify repeated red flags—whether it’s money requests, emotional manipulation, or avoiding real commitment—it’s time to protect yourself.
Cut off any privileges they’ve been enjoying at your expense and set clear boundaries. If they push back or guilt-trip you, that’s just more proof of their intentions. Surround yourself with people you trust—friends, family, or even online support communities—so you don’t feel isolated. And most importantly, remember that your worth isn’t tied to how much you give or sacrifice for someone. Whether you’re Nigerian, a diasporan, or from anywhere else in the world, you deserve love that’s genuine, consistent, and free from games.
Till I come your way again, don’t forget to subscribe to Doyin’s Honest Notes and enjoy a drop of honey for your day…