Do You Need Reasons To Have Relationships?
What makes you meet a person and decide that this is the person you want? Do you need reasons to have relationships? Or that you’d like to be with this person? What determines your choice? Is it a spot-on attraction? Or something like you won’t get to know the person better and not just judge a book by its cover? Still, it all boils down to attraction though. What moves you to spell out feelings for the individual?
I meet a lot of people and deep down, I just know this person doesn’t know what they want. I can smell or perceive the confusion and the lack of interest that will arise in the future. This comes from a lot of experience (don’t ask how).
I also firmly believe that nobody does anything without a reason. From the onset, you know what you want. Pursue that. If it’s friendship. Or love. Don’t stress it more than that. Know your reason and stick with it.
How does it start?
When you meet a person from the onset, you already know whatever it is you want. Unfortunately for most of us, we confuse infatuations, ‘crush’ or ‘feelings’ for real actual love. That is part of why we have a lot of failing relationships. You see me, looking all good and everything, smart or intelligent, beautiful or not, and immediately you decide that you love me and I am someone you want to spend your whole life with. Or, after a few weeks of meeting each other, you decide that my character fits or meets up with a list that describes your idea of wife or husband material.
We need to chill.
READ: HAVING SPECS: IS IT ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY?
Almost everybody speaks the same way. I have never met someone like you. You are different from the rest. You are not like others. Can we pause a bit? We hear those things almost every day and in different ways. Why should I feel yours is different? If I accept every person who says that I might as well date the whole world or be hopping from relationship to relationship.
WHAT IS THE SOLUTION?
Define your relationships. As simple as ABC.
- If you want friendship, fine.
- You want a situationship, fine.
- Or you want to start something that would have no end, even better.
- You want to date so each other can grow together, sweet.
- You want to just be girlfriend and boyfriend, your issue.
- Do you just want to date for a number of years or months after which everyone goes their way? Great.
- You want to get married, how lovely.
Tell me what you want from me. If I can give that, I will and if I can’t, I’d let you know.
Let us know who gives what and what to expect of each other daily.
Don’t let us get together and then you begin to lose commitment and find someone else. Suddenly, I wasn’t what you were expecting, all because you didn’t calm down to know me. You just saw the looks or character and jumped into it.
Take your time to know.
Unless, of course, you have the holy spirit, even intuitions don’t give you a 100% of getting relationships to work.
Soon enough, you get to hear things like you are too principled; you have too many rules, loosen up a bit and, of course, we are matured minds. Seriously, how does being principled affect anything? If for so much, I believe we should all have boundaries and let each other know, in order to avoid conflict in the future. My personal advice is if your principles are too much for a person and they don’t respect that, please stay away. Sooner or later, you begin to lose some of those principles as you are thinking that anything for love, alongside, you lose the respect you deserve.
Meanwhile, have you ever heard of the word Sapiosexual. It means to be attracted to someone based on intelligence. So yes, deciding to be with a person for any reason begins with attraction. Either for looks, brains, money etc.
People date for different reasons
Honesty is so important. If a lady says the only reason she’d be with a guy is because of money, please let her be. It is what she wants. You can’t force her to date a guy who doesn’t match up to her standards. No, she won’t go to hell. She is not going to be in love with a guy that doesn’t have the money to meet up with her needs. Later, we hear that she left because of money and that she is evil.
The only issue there is when there is a lack of contentment; always looking for the next big pocket. Dear ladies, settle down and wait for the one rich enough for you. Don’t suck up the broke guy dry and leave him. Date your rich dude and help him stay rich. For guys that want light-skinned ladies, date them. She is not a witch. Don’t date a dark lady and expect her to bleach for you. Or date a plus-size lady when you want a slim lady. This thing is all about choice.
Do you feel we need to have reasons before we get into any form of relationship? How do you feel we can define relationships correctly? Kindly leave your suggestions and opinions in the comment box.
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