How Can I Get Over A Breakup?

The thing with life is how unpredicatable it is. You can be living your best dream, and then, suddenly, you are asking yourself how to get over a breakup. Well, like the famous writer Shakespeare puts it, ‘All is fair in love and war.’ You love small, get a little bit of breakfast, you win some and you lose some. Some people are lucky; they dont go through gruelling heartbreaks. They have just one love for the rest of their lives. Now, it doesn’t mean that one person will not hurt them. Some of us are not lazy; we get on the horse of love so many times that the more we climb, the more we are thwarted off.

However, breakups are not all bad. It is in fact necessary. We have just considered it something evil. Before I get into the gist of how you can get over a breakup, let me demystify breakup a little bit.

What is A Relationship Breakup?

A relationship breakup is like a rollercoaster ride that suddenly stops at the top of the biggest hill. You’re left hanging, wondering how you got there and how to get down. First, there’s the “what happened?” phase, where you replay every moment, searching for clues you might have missed. Then comes the “maybe it’s not over” phase, where you convince yourself a grand gesture can fix everything. But eventually, reality hits. It’s over.

Time for the “acceptance” phase, which involves ice cream, rom-coms, and maybe a little (or a lot of) crying. Then the phoenix rises. You rediscover yourself, your friends, and maybe even a new hobby. You realise you’re stronger than you thought, and you’re ready for whatever comes next. It’s not always fun, but like any rollercoaster, you eventually get to the bottom, a little shaken but ready for the next adventure.

A relationship breakup is the dissolution of an intimate bond between two people. It’s a complex process involving emotional, psychological, and sometimes even social upheaval.

From a serious perspective, it’s a form of loss, akin to grief. There’s the loss of the relationship itself, the future envisioned together, and the sense of security and companionship it provided. This loss can trigger a range of emotions: sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, and even relief. Breakups can be particularly challenging when there’s a significant power imbalance, abuse, or shared responsibilities like children or finances involved. It can lead to significant life changes, like moving homes, financial strain, or redefining social circles.

The aftermath often involves a period of adjustment and healing. This can involve self-reflection, seeking support from friends and family, and potentially professional help like therapy. It’s a time for reassessing personal needs and goals and ultimately rebuilding a sense of self and future. While painful, breakups can also be a catalyst for personal growth and self-discovery. They can provide an opportunity to learn from past experiences, understand one’s needs better, and ultimately form healthier relationships in the future.

Why That Breakup Is The Best Thing to Happen to You

That breakup, that heart-wrenching, gut-punching, tear-soaked experience? That breakup, while painful, could very well be the best thing that ever happened to you. Seriously. Think about it.

You Rediscover Your Creative Side

Heartbreak can be a powerful muse. Suddenly, emotions you’ve suppressed find an outlet. That old guitar you haven’t touched in years? Pick it up. The urge to write poetry at 3 AM? Embrace it. This isn’t just about distraction; it’s about channelling emotional energy into something productive and beautiful. It’s a chance to rediscover passions you might have neglected while wrapped up in the relationship. Pain can be a catalyst for creativity and self-expression.

Being Single Isn’t a Curse; It’s a Gift

The narrative often paints singlehood as a desolate wasteland. But what if it’s actually fertile ground for growth? Being single isn’t about desperately searching for “the one.” It’s about being “the one” for yourself. It’s about focusing on your own needs, goals, and happiness without the pressure of another person’s expectations. Self-sufficiency and self-love are crucial foundations for any healthy relationship, including the one you have with yourself.

Healing is Essential, Not Optional

Rushing into a new relationship after a breakup is like putting a band-aid on a broken bone. You need time to process the emotions, understand what went wrong, and learn from the experience. This isn’t just about avoiding repeating the same mistakes; it’s about giving yourself the space to heal and grow so you can enter future relationships as a more whole and healthy individual. Emotional healing is a journey, not a race. Take the time you need to mend.

Explore Life With Your Tribe

Remember those friends you haven’t seen much lately? Now’s the time to reconnect. Lean on your support system. They’ll offer perspective, laughter, and a reminder that you’re not alone. Explore new hobbies, travel, or simply spend quality time with the people who genuinely care about you. This is a chance to strengthen existing bonds and create new memories. Nurture your friendships; they are invaluable sources of strength and joy.

A Reset Button for Your Life

Sometimes, life needs a hard reset. A breakup can be that reset button. It forces you to re-evaluate your priorities, your values, and your direction. It’s an opportunity to shed old patterns, let go of what no longer serves you, and create a life that’s more aligned with your authentic self. It’s a chance to ask yourself, “What do I want?” and then go after it. Change can be scary, but it can also be incredibly liberating. Embrace the opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

How Do I Get Over A Breakup?

Getting over a breakup is a journey, not a destination. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions, and it’s important to be kind to yourself during this time. There are some breakup mistakes you should never make. Here’s a guide to help you navigate this process:

1. No Contact (with a caveat)

• The Rule: In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, it’s crucial to create space between you and your ex. This means no calls, texts, social media stalking, or accidental “run-ins.” This space allows you to detach emotionally and begin the healing process.
• The Exception: While immediate no-contact is important, there might come a time when you need to communicate. This could be to discuss practical matters like shared belongings or finances. However, approach these conversations with a clear, level-headed mindset, focused on resolution, not rekindling the relationship.

2. Resist the Urge to Reconnect (Immediately)

• The Trap: It’s tempting to consider getting back together, especially when the pain is fresh. You might remember the good times and minimise the reasons for the breakup.
• The Reality: You broke up for a reason. While reconciliation might be possible in the future, revisiting the relationship immediately often leads to repeating the same patterns and prolonging the healing process. Give yourself time to truly assess what went wrong and whether the relationship was truly healthy for you.

3. Channel Your Emotions

• Acknowledge the Anger: Anger is a natural response to heartbreak. If you feel angry, acknowledge it. However, avoid destructive behaviours like lashing out or seeking revenge.
• Pray for Them: This might sound counterintuitive, but praying for your ex can be a powerful way to shift your perspective. It encourages empathy and helps you let go of resentment. It’s not about condoning their actions, but about finding peace within yourself.

4. Seek Support

• Talk to Someone: Don’t isolate yourself. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist. Talking about your feelings can provide emotional release, perspective, and support.
• Professional Help: If you’re struggling to cope, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and tools to navigate your emotions and facilitate healing.

Remember –

• Grief is a Process: Getting over a breakup is a form of grief. Allow yourself to feel the emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, confusion, or relief. Don’t try to suppress or rush the process.
• Self-Care is Key: Prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Eat healthy, exercise, get enough sleep, and engage in activities you enjoy.
• Focus on the Future: While it’s important to process the past, don’t dwell on it. Focus on your goals, your personal growth, and the possibilities that lie ahead.

Getting over a breakup takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself, allow yourself to heal, and remember that you’re not alone.

Until I come your way again, remember to subscribe to Doyin’s Honest Notes and enjoy a drop of honey for your day.