In our Tribe Session for June 2022, Oyewole Oyebola of Timey Thoughts taught Tribe members “How To Break Away From Toxic Relationships”. He taught on signs of a toxic relationship. He also exposed us to how such relationships start, what to do and finally how to leave.
Catch up on the session by reading the full details below.
WHAT IS A RELATIONSHIP
There is this cliché idea that relationships are only limited to two opposite sexes involved in a romantic relationship. But a relationship is much more complex than that. A relationship can be business-wise and casual, among other types of relationships. A relationship is a state of connectedness between two or more people. We can also define it as a situation in which one or more people place trust, confidence, and reliance on another person or group of persons.
For this topic, we would concentrate more on the general definition of a relationship. This is “a romantic and emotional friendship between two people”.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE TOXIC?
The basic meaning of toxic is harmful. We presume toxic to be harmful, dangerous and very injurious to a person. In a relationship, a toxic person reflects a person who is emotionally, physically and mentally injurious or harmful to another person. Being toxic can be exhibited in various ways, which will be further explained in the signs of a toxic relationship.
WHAT ARE TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS?
There are various definitions of a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship is one which harms your health in some manner, whether it be physically, emotionally, or mentally. Toxic relationships make you feel abandoned, undervalued, attacked, or misunderstood. A relationship that makes you feel worse than better is a toxic relationship.
DEAL BREAKERS/RED FLAGS
Explaining Toxic relationships will not be complete without talking about red flags and deal-breakers.
Red flags are signals showing that you might not have a healthy relationship with a person. They are signs that should not be ignored. A deal breaker is something that disqualifies an individual. Deal breakers are a capital NO.
SIGNS THAT YOU ARE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
There are various signs that show that you are in a toxic relationship. These signs include;
- Gaslighting/Manipulation. Being manipulated to do what you wouldn’t do is one of the most significant signs of being in a toxic relationship.
- When you give more than you are getting into a relationship. A relationship should have balance and efforts from both partners. In some relationships, one partner is being drained, and the other does nothing. Such a relationship does not differ from a toxic relationship.
- Constant misunderstanding, undermining and attacks
- Beatings and maltreatment/ abuse (Abuse can be financially, sexually, physically, emotionally, verbally etc.)
- Feeling of irritation and anger when you see or when you are with your partner
- You are always to blame, no matter what happens
- Lack of support from a partner
- Envy and absolute jealousy.
- Controlling behaviours
- Dishonesty. disrespect and constant criticism
- Constant hope for change
- When you become taciturn (silent) as you’ve tired of bringing up the issues in your relationship.
HOW TO IDENTIFY A TOXIC PARTNER BEFORE GOING INTO A RELATIONSHIP
We know humans can exhibit extreme pretence. There are still certain ways you can identify a toxic person before going into a relationship with them. These signs include;
- A person who exerts total authority on people is most likely going to be toxic (An authoritarian)
- Such a person keeps to themselves a lot.
- A toxic person supports violence and speaks about violence against other people.
- They lie about every little thing and at every opportunity.
- A person who has the mentality of inequality. They believe another gender should be subjective. (Such a person would never respect you)
- They have traces of obsession.
These signs are relative and can mean many things, but they can decipher a toxic partner.
REASONS WHY RELATIONSHIP BECOMES TOXIC
There are certain relationships that started off well but ended up being toxic. A variety of reasons can cause this, such as:
1. Betrayal of trust
3. Financial problems
4. Too many expectations from a relationship
5. Excessive pressure from a partner
6. Unnecessary complains
7. Beatings and maltreatment
HOW TO HANDLE TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
A toxic relationship can be handled and redeemed. One does not have to throw in the towel yet when they realize their relationship is becoming toxic. There are certain methods that one can use to help redeem a toxic relationship. These methods include:
#1 Heart-to-heart conversation and communication
#2 Acceptance of responsibility
#3 Revive the willingness to invest in the relationship.
#4 Seeking a counsellor or therapist
#5 Avoid revisiting the past of a toxic partner if your partner changes.
HOW TO BREAK AWAY FROM TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
If you’ve tried all your best to handle the toxic relationship and there are no changes, please RUN. RUN o and don’t look back. That’s the only way to break away from a toxic relationship. Also, when you leave such a relationship, block any form of connection to and from that person. Especially if the person is manipulative. This will help speed up your healing process.
Also, remember, once you leave, you can do the following to help get yourself healed. They include;
STEP 1. Building a support system (this can include close friends, parents and social groups)
STEP 2. Stick to your decision to leave and avoid rethinking such a decision
STEP 3. Remind yourself that you deserve better than a toxic relationship
STEP 4. Remember to cut off contact
STEP 5. Seek help from a counsellor or therapist.
STEP 6. Remember, NEVER go back to such a relationship.
Thank you for reading through.
I curated this blog post from our Tribe Sessions via audio messages. I have transcribed and edited it to enhance reading. Please ask questions and leave your comment below.
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