How To Let Go of Past Relationships

We’ve all been there, right? That lingering feeling after a relationship ends, that little tug in your heart when you think about “what was.” Whether it was a whirlwind romance or a long-term partnership, breakups can leave a mark. It’s like a favorite book you finished reading—you might still think about the characters and the story long after you’ve closed the cover. But unlike a book, past relationships involve real emotions, shared experiences, and often a sense of loss. It is not an easy feat to let go of past relationships.

Sometimes, that sense of loss can linger longer than we’d like, making it hard to move forward. It’s not about forgetting the person or pretending those past relationships never happened; it’s about processing the experience, learning from it, and freeing yourself to embrace new possibilities. Holding onto past relationships can be like carrying around extra baggage—it weighs you down and makes it harder to enjoy the present moment. So, if you’re finding it difficult to let go of a past relationship and you’re ready to move on, let’s talk about some practical steps you can take to heal and start a fresh chapter.

Steps to Let Go of Past Relationships

Letting go of past relationships is a process, not a single event. It takes time, effort, and a good dose of self-compassion. It’s not about forgetting the person or pretending the relationship never happened. When you want to let go of past relationships, it’s about processing the experience, learning from it, and freeing yourself to move forward. Holding onto the past can prevent you from fully embracing the present and future. Here are some steps to help you on this journey of letting go of past relationships:

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

Feeling sad, angry, confused, or even relieved after a breakup is okay. These emotions are normal and valid. Don’t try to suppress them or pretend you’re fine if you’re not. Allowing yourself to feel your emotions is the first step to healing. Think of it like this: if you stub your toe, you wouldn’t ignore the pain, right? You’d acknowledge it and give it time to heal. It’s the same with emotional pain.

For example, if you find yourself crying over old photos, don’t beat yourself up about it. Allow yourself to cry, acknowledge the sadness, and then gently redirect your attention to something else. Journaling can also be a helpful way to process your emotions. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you understand them better and healthily release them.

2. Cut Ties (Where Possible)

While maintaining a friendship with an ex might seem appealing in theory, it can often hinder the healing process, especially in the initial stages. Seeing their posts on social media, hearing about their life, or even casual contact can keep you emotionally tethered to past relationships. It’s like constantly picking at a scab—it prevents it from healing properly.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to completely erase them from your life forever, but creating some distance is crucial for moving on. This might involve unfollowing them on social media, deleting their number (at least temporarily), and avoiding places you used to frequent together. It’s about creating space for yourself to heal and rediscover who you are outside of the relationship.

3. Focus on Self-Care

After a breakup, it’s easy to neglect your own needs. However, self-care is more important than ever during this time. Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being can help you heal faster and feel stronger. Think of it as refueling your own tank after a long journey.

This might involve things like getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, exercising, spending time in nature, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy. It could also mean treating yourself to a relaxing bath, reading a good book, or spending time with supportive friends and family. The key is to do things that make you feel good and help you recharge.

4. Lean on Your Support System

Talking to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist can provide valuable support and perspective during a breakup. Sharing your feelings with others can help you process your emotions and feel less alone. It’s like having a sounding board to bounce your thoughts off of and gain new insights.

For example, talking to a close friend who has gone through a similar experience can be incredibly helpful. They can offer empathy, understanding, and practical advice. A therapist can provide professional guidance and help you develop coping mechanisms for dealing with your emotions.

5. Avoid Idealizing Past Relationships

It’s easy to remember only the good times in a relationship after it ends, forgetting the reasons why it didn’t work out. This can create a distorted view of the past and make it harder to move on. It’s like looking at old photos and only remembering the smiles, forgetting the arguments that happened just before the picture was taken.

Try to remember the full picture, including the challenges and disagreements. This can help you gain a more realistic perspective and avoid idealizing the past. You could even list the reasons why the relationship ended to remind yourself of the less rosy aspects.

6. Learn from the Experience

Every relationship, even those that end, can offer valuable lessons. Take some time to reflect on what you learned about yourself, what you want in a future partner, and what you could do differently in future relationships. It’s like a post-game analysis—you review the game to see what went well and what could be improved.

This isn’t about blaming yourself or your ex; it’s about gaining self-awareness and growing as a person. For example, maybe you realized you needed to communicate your needs more effectively or set clearer boundaries. These are valuable lessons that can help you build healthier relationships in the future.

7. Focus on the Present and Future

Instead of dwelling on past relationships, shift your focus to the present moment and the possibilities that lie ahead. Engage in activities you enjoy, pursue new hobbies, and set new goals for yourself. It’s like closing one chapter and opening a brand new one.

This might involve taking a class, joining a club, or traveling to a new place. It’s about rediscovering your passions and creating a fulfilling life for yourself outside of the relationship. Remember, the end of one chapter is the beginning of another.

8. Be Patient With Yourself

Healing from a breakup takes time. There’s no set timeline for moving on. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve the loss of past relationships. Don’t compare your healing process to others; everyone heals at their own pace.

There will be days when you feel great and days when you feel down. That’s perfectly normal. Just keep focusing on self-care, leaning on your support system, and focusing on the present moment. Eventually, the pain will lessen, and you’ll be ready to move on.

Letting go of past relationships is a journey, not a destination. There will be good days and bad days, moments of clarity and longing. The key is to be patient with yourself, practice self-compassion, and focus on healing and growth. It’s not about erasing the past but about integrating the experience into your life story and moving forward with a lighter heart, ready to embrace new connections and opportunities for love. Remember, you deserve happiness, and letting gob of past relatinships is the first step towards finding it.

Until I come your way again, remember to subscribe to Doyin’s Honest Notes and enjoy a drop of honey for your day.